Cheering people on is one of my favorite things to do and for better or for worse, I've had a lot of opportunities to do that this year. Many of my friends have moved on to new adventures (some by choice and some not) and witnessing others on their journey of growth encourages me that God has a good plan for me too.
Many people have been asking me, "what's next?" lately. I'm humbled by their genuine excitement and the short answer is...
I don't know.
I just knew it was time for me to move on -- or at least take a pause from my job. I tried to hop back onto the bullet train that was work and I felt like I was hanging on by a thread while trying to balance plates, baggage, and my most precious cargo, my baby girl, Naomi. Every day (and night... and weekend...) felt like a never-ending game of whack-a-mole while carrying her in one arm and my laptop in the other, with my phone in my mouth and camera around my neck, desperately trying to whack the moles which were multiplying like rabbits.
I was (and still am) exhausted, barely making it as a mom and as an employee, and not doing either well.
Just yesterday, John Mark Comer, author of The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, was the guest pastor at our church. He was speaking about how hurry is the greatest threat to our spiritual lives, affirming the biggest reason I finally decided something had to give in my own life.
I felt exposed when John Mark referenced one of the scriptures God has been speaking to me often as of late:
"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him, “'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'"
I confess haven't been able to love God and love others well lately. I've been stretched beyond my limitations, I can tell, because everything feels like striving and toil -- even the things that normally bring me the most joy. Though I believe we're all called to make sacrifices sometimes, the "sacrifice" is never worth it when it creates more distance between one's heart and God's.
A few ways I draw near to God are through writing, visual and performing arts, physical movement, and being outside. It's been way too long since I've done those things because there are only so many hours in the day and there's only so much I can give, especially since I'm new to mom-life.
So this season, I'm consciously choosing to leave what has been "safe" in order to spend time seeking God's kingdom instead. Nick and I don't have everything figured out and are having to make decisions daily with the help of the Spirit, but we believe God is, and will continue to be, faithful to provide because it's who He is. And He is enough.