I debated whether or not to resurrect my blog, start a new one, or nix the idea altogether. These days as a new mom, I struggle to articulate my thoughts and am barely able to formulate complete sentences. Just yesterday I was in a meeting with a client and my brain froze. Normally I would have fallen back on my acting skills and maintained my composure as I've so often done at work (hello, impostor syndrome!), but I could not regain my footing.
With my humanness on full display, I threw my hands up and admitted I was struggling and severely sleep deprived. We commiserated and had a good laugh about it then continued on to have a great, relaxed, successful, collaborative meeting.
There's something about being honest that makes relationships and creativity flow so much more easily -- something I haven't experienced in a while because I've been so preoccupied with "surviving" at work and at home. It's hard to be honest when you're in survival mode because it seems to require some level of denial so you don't completely fall apart. I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say, "It's fine. Everything is fine," over the last year and a half.
But it's only in letting yourself fall apart that you can allow God's grace to put you back together again in an even better and stronger fashion.
But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so he crushed it into a lump of clay again and started over. Jeremiah 18:4 (NIV)
I feel like I'm back at square one with my personal writing. It's scary, thrilling, and humbling as I'm way out of shape, writing for other projects and in other voices that aren't necessarily mine. And with the marketing experience I've gained over the past few years at my job, my inner critic likes to question and criticize what my "brand", "thing", or "platform" is -- or more accurately, lack thereof.
Whew. Thanks for giving me the space to be honest. I can already tell it may take me a while to warm up again, but I appreciate you journeying with me as I re-figure out my relationship with art, words, people, my heart, and most importantly, with God.
I hope you are encouraged by the words you read on this blog and my prayer is that you too will be inspired to start something new or maybe reignite an old passion and see what happens...